"This is really amazing! Great work. I teared up near the end."
"This is so pretty...it's simple and completely chill (at least by my standards)."
"Beautiful song.. Great work in composing it, Hosozukuri."
"I think your songs are beautiful and inspiring - I hope everyone gains strength when listening to them."
"This song is incredible! I love you revealed the sinister alterior motives for Slenderman's friendliness and did so in such a subtle way. It's so dark and masterfully done. I love it. Thank you for making this."


Please be honest.

What exactly do you see in my "work"?
What makes it worth listening to?
Why are you following this useless blog?
Why are you even reading this now?
Why do you have any reason to care for some talentless worthless stranger?
Don't you have anything better to do?

I can't do anything anymore. Everything sounds wrong to me. My keyboard is gathering dust in the corner of my room. I don't even want to look at it anymore. I am a fraud and a liar. Please stop listening to my stupid excuses for music. It's not even that good anyway.

Don't mind me

What is he really?

An alien? A time-traveler? An ascended meme? The boogieman?

What does He want?

Just to hunt down every kid with a video camera or a blogger account?

I don’t think that’s the truth. This is something I’ve pondered almost constantly. So what do I think? What do I have to say on the matter? I’ll put it simply.

He is madness incarnate.

“Any of a group of psychiatric disorders characterized by withdrawal from reality, illogical patterns of thinking, delusions, hallucinations, and psychotic behavior.” -Definition of psychosis

“…The strangest of these characters are those who espouse Blue And Orange Morality. These characters have a moral framework that is so utterly alien and foreign to human experience that we can't peg them as good or evil. They aren't a Chaotic Neutral Unfettered, though they may seem to act terrifyingly randomly; nor are they necessarily a Fettered Lawful Neutral, because our and their understanding of 'law' as a concept may not even be equivalent. There might be a logic behind their actions, it's just that they operate with entirely different sets of values and premises with which to draw their conclusions.” –TV tropes

Let’s start with what we know. He’s supposedly made from the thoughts and belief of the people who know about Him. He’s a being that shouldn’t exist, and yet, He does. How? Why? Perhaps He’s always been there, watching, waiting, lurking in the darkest corners of the human mind. What would you say to someone who told you that they were being followed by a tall faceless man? You’d say that they’re crazy. Something like that couldn’t possibly exist and in a way, you’d be correct.

What does it take to make something from make-believe to reality? Certainly a “crazy” person would know. Some one who sees and hears things that aren’t there. But are they really? In their minds, the voices they hear are real. That’s their reality. He exists similarly. He’s a distortion in reality, given power from belief and constantly trying to draw others into the delusion He created.

This also explains why he behavior and methods vary from person to person. Maybe it's a case of "what you see is what you expect to see" or somehow He's able to know just what to do to frighten an individual the most.

That being said, it’s almost impossible to say for sure whether He is good or evil.  Yes, he has done terrible things and shattered countless lives, but it’s impossible to know if He did those things with evil intentions. The way He operates is on a completely different level, a completely different though process. To understand the way of thinking is to lose one’s grip on reality as it is currently defined to the individual. For this reason, I believe it is impossible to understand him.

But we all try, don’t we?

As I type it’s becoming horribly apparent how difficult it is to explain all of this. I read through it again and it all looks like the same things that have been brought up over and over. Oh well. At least I tried, right?  

Oh, and I haven't gone crazy yet. I've just had this idea for awhile and thought it couldn't hurt to share it. I promise that when I finally lose it, I'll be sure to let you all know.

New song(s) coming soon. My head hurts too much now.

I guess I'm famous now

Take a look at something I came across on Deviantart today. Okay, I didn't find it by chance; the artist sent me a link. I thought it was weird for someone to just ask what I look like out of the blue, but Sabrina does that when she wants to draw someone. I guess you need to know who you're drawing right? Anyway, I don't really own any of those clothes...but I so want to now. And that scarf...is awesome. However, I do own a purple iPod, so good job!

Heh, the face is pretty accurate too. Now the reason I'm not getting much sleep is because I'm up 'till 1 or so playing Silent Hill Origins, a game that I'm totally not hating as much as I expected to. Yes, since Christmas my life has become disturbingly normal again, and with any luck, it will stay that way.

...

And now that I've said that, you can all start counting the days until something awful happens.

Greetings

Just dropping by to wish you all a Merry Christmas.

I want to go play with my shiny new PSP nao.

EDIT:: Nothing of note happened to me on the solstice. Nothing really troubling has happened in a while. Should I be worried? I hope not.

(Song) Doubt.

(Darn, I accidentally uploaded it in HD. No wonder it took so long. Now it's stretching the page; that's really going to annoy me DX)



"A companion song to Resolve.

Sometimes our resolve wavers and we begin to doubt ourselves. But that's okay. Everyone gets discouraged some times. If you tire of fighting and struggling, just give up. Follow the melody with slow purposeful steps, and dance to an uncaring tune. Defiance will always be rewarded with pain.

A sorrowful song meanders into the night as you leisurely follow behind.

That's what this song is."

And that my friends, is why I'm not a poet.

And I swear I remember making this one. I know because I loves me my accordions and this song is full of 'em.

I am in an exponentially better mood now, and I think Christmas Break might have something to do with that. I love Christmas, even if it means that the radio is useless for the month of December because EVERY STATION EVER will only play stupid Christmas music. Except the one heavy-metal station. That's a plus.

No more sightings of Heno girl, but I did get another note. It says the same thing as the last one, but it's on a small, line-less piece of paper and it's painted instead of written in pen. I'm using it as a bookmark. In the past three days or so I've been sleeping just fine and there's been no weird songs on my computer when I wake up. Which is also making me happy.

And in only a few short days, I get to find out just what exactly is going to happen on the Solstice. Whatever it is, I hope you all (especially Zero) stay safe/alive. That would be ideal.

Afraid?

School's closed today because of the snow and ice. It's just as well; I don't really want to go anyway. Right now, the thought of stepping outside my house fills me with dread. Now that I think about it, the thought of even leaving this room makes me feel the same. 


It's not fear really. I just feel safer right here. 


I've been doing a lot of thinking. Why not? It's not like I have anything better to do. Thinking about music. Thinking about the masked girl. About that note (no one's figured it out yet. what are you waiting for?). About me, and you and Him too. And for all my thinking, I'm nowhere closer to a solution to anything than I was yesterday. So for now I'm content to just sit here in my dark room and think. 


I've started another song. It's a very un-creepy one this time. It's based off another blogger, but I'm not telling who just yet. Just having my fingers on the piano keys is very comforting. And worrying.

It got worse.

I don’t know what to do. I really don’t.

Since that first creepy song “appeared” on my computer, several more have as well. Some of them are so awful that I can’t even listen to them; they just give me nasty headaches. I didn’t go to the trouble of posting them because they don’t even sound like songs, just random noise and someone pounding on a piano. I still don’t know if I really believe that I made them, but noting else makes sense. No one else could have.

I want to uninstall the program, but I can’t. If I try to go too long without writing something I just...I don’t know. It’s pretty much the only thing I want to do nowadays which is pretty unnerving in and of itself. It’s not all I do though. I still make an effort to go out places and I talk to my friend as much as I can. No matter what I do, at the end of the day I’m still alone in my room with my computer and my piano.

And that’s no even the best part.

I was driving home from Japanese lessons earlier. It was later in the evening, about 6 or so, and it was already pretty dark out. Snow had piled up a couple inches deep and with the wind blowing, it was cold as heck. I was driving along a residential street, mostly just trying to make sure I was going the right way since I’d only driven through this part of downtown a couple times before and I’m always worried about getting lost. And I’m really good at getting lost.

I saw her standing underneath the eerie orange glow of a streetlight.

She wore a lacy black dress, white stockings, and black dress shoes. She looked like she was dressed for church, not for standing around in the snow. Everything about her seemed so extraordinarily out of place that I couldn’t help but stare. Of course, there was one little detail that elevated her presence from strange to terrifying.

She was wearing a mask.
It was a white, featureless mask with a “Henohenomoheji” sloppily drawn on with a permanent marker. That’s such a weird choice for a mask. It’s not really threatening in the slightest; the odd expression just made it look like she was glaring questioningly at me.

She didn’t really do anything. Even though her face was covered by her mask, I could tell she was staring right at me. Some things you just know. I didn’t stop, I didn’t slow down; I just kept driving until I couldn’t see her in the rear-view mirror anymore. My heart was racing pretty much the rest of the drive home. 

I just...I never expected this. Reading about these things happening to other people is one thing, but this just made it seem real. Well, that’s because it’s not just happening to someone else. It’s happening to me too. I don’t even know what to think right now. I’m still exhausted. I want to write another song...but I don’t want to. I just have to keep typing until I forget this happened. Maybe once I see it in text form, it will start to look like just another silly blog post.

I’m not really looking forward to going out anymore. I don’t know who I’m going to run into.