Sunday, April 24, 2011

Sorrow? No thank you.

Needless to say, these past few days have been stressful. Concidering what happened and all.

It's funny, when I look back and read "that" post, I'm stuck by got how worked up I got when I wrote it. I was tempted to go through and fix the spelling, but what purpose would that serve? Oh well.

I've had a massive amount of free time to think about that event. In fact, I've had nothing but free time since I arrived at this...location that I will not reveal for the sake of a friend. I think about her, it, whatever I've decided to call that thing. The thing I conveniently stopped thinking of as a human just long enough to...never mind. I'm a person who likes to think I have a decent amount of common sense, so I must wonder whether what I saw was really what I saw. Was it a lie? Was it a trick? Or, the question it always comes down to, am I just crazy? I thought it was a little early for that whole insanity thing. At least, I hoped.

So when my parents came home that evening, did they find me, beaten and dead on the floor? No. Even if other people could see what I saw, her face was too messed up after what I...never mind. I thought for a while that this might be His doing, but then I realized something important. That house I was living in was a death trap. A "safe" place to hide, but only if I never went outside. Multiple times seemed to show that that was His aim, that He wanted me to stayed holed up inside. To write more music obviously. You don't need to go anywhere to write music. So then, it would be counterproductive to make me want to run away from home, right? I don't know. Every time I try to think about it, I just give up. It's too confusing. Too troublesome.

And then there's another question: will I write more music? That too remains to be seen. Sure I can't exactly carry around a piano with me. That's just look silly. No, but I do have means to write songs digitally, right on my computer (which I, of course, took with me. I'm a blogger. I have to have my priorities straight). So I guess we'll wait and see.

The place I'm at is nice, wonderful actually, but I can't stay longer. The idea of going somewhere new is strangely exciting. Until the money and food run out and it gets dark.

She's still looking at me.

What do I do?


  1. Offer her a bottle of beer. See what happens. Have something blunt and hard behind your back in the other hand in case you need to hit something.

  2. For what it is worth, I'd keep writing music. Music seems to be a big part of who you are. Your love of music (or at the very least, aptitude) shines through every piece you've created. And if there's anything I know about what's happening to you, it's this.

    If you give up on who you are, you've lost.

  3. Who keeps marking these posts as pathetic?

    And dear god Slendy is screwing with you, isn't he?

    1. Anyone with standards.

  4. Hosozukuri.

    Don't give up, although it may seem almost impossible or incredibly difficult or utterly confusing you need to stay strong or slendy will have you EXACTLY where he wants you.

    You may not know me, and I know I don't know you and some post here and there won't really change that.

    Don't give up.


  5. You keep referring to this girl as having a face similar or the same as your own, who exactly is this girl? Long lost family member? Dark part of your psyche manifested into reality? Also, what's going on exactly? I mean I know your life has pretty much gone into holy shit mode, but it would still be nice to know you are alive and sane.

  6. just stay safe ..