The choking feeling of not being good enough. What did I do this time?
It's warmed up quite a bit today, which is good because I hate snow. I went to the park to go for a walk earlier today. The snow is like a blanket the muffles sound and makes everything so much quieter. I guess I don't hate it that much. As I walked, I could see the imprints where children had been sledding sometime before and I sort of regretted not bringing a sled myself. I'm still a child at heart I guess.
She was there. The idiot with the idiotic mask. Seriously, is it supposed to be scary? Because it's not. There she stood without a coat and up to her calves in soaking wet snow, not really seeming to care at all. As always, she was fixated on me. She spoke to me again. It wasn' a threat or a message of any importance. Just insults. Words that shouldn't have cut as deeply as they did, especially coming from someone like her.
"Worthless."
I kept walking, never taking my eyes off the shoveled sidewalk.
"Talentless."
My fingers were turning red in the cold. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my gloves.
"Useless garbage."
I slipped the purple gloves onto my hands.
"Can't you hear them laughing at you?"
And then she was gone.
Something about her voice is familiar. Maybe I've met her before. Maybe I'd recognize her without the stupid mask? There's something about her presence too. It brings up feeling of inexplicable rage. Who is she? Why does she think she has the right to just stand around a taunt me? I hate her. I fucking HATE that little no-good fucking bitch.
See what I mean? Her petty name calling just should not piss me off as much as it does. What a way to spend Valentines day.
I feel sick. Very very sick.
Don't let that bitches words get to you Hoso, she's probably just Mr. Tall Pale and Faceless's whore anyways.
ReplyDeleteStay safe kid.
She is your doubt.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you should seriously consider one of it's tastes in music to be valid. You've heard it's 'music', doesn't sound like the kind of mind-set you'd want liking your pieces. We love them despite GIFT.
ReplyDeleteGood Luck
The choking feeling of not being good enough?
ReplyDeleteI get that sometimes. I tend to remedy it in two ways:
Rage, or get good enough (and better).
Or both.
I have to agree with Maduin. I get that too, a hella lot. But either raging or taking a step back from it and actually LOOKING at what I've done help.
ReplyDeleteTaking a step back from you and LOOKING is easy. You provide us with hope and something really fucking awesome to listen to.
I don't even think I know how good is good enough.
ReplyDeleteYou, you're good enough. But if you don't think so, be better. Always try to be better. Always. You can create things. Not many people can do that, and some that can can't do it well.
ReplyDeleteYou've got something special. Don't waste it. Don't let anything fill you with doubt. Life is beautiful. You're beautiful. What you create is beautiful. No matter what happens, no what what they say, this is the truth. Remember it. Not many can. You are one of the better few.
They hide behind masks for a reason, I think. It's because they're afraid to fight without them. They're cowards working for a glorified cult leader.
You wear no mask, and yet you persist. Again, you're beautiful just for that. You cannot lose faith.
Remember.
Tap the vein.
What does a Hallowed know about talent? It hasn't got any, aside from the ancient art of being a creepy little fuck. Not now that He's taken everything away that made it human.
ReplyDeleteYour music is beautiful, Hosozukuri. They're trying to break you in order to use you, lying to suit His purposes- they are not telling the truth. Do not listen.
This masked chick sounds like a real drag. You should go all Entry-35-Alex on her ass.
ReplyDelete